Pay attention
Be careful not to go on and on about yourself. It’s easy to talk about yourself too much, especially if silence makes you nervous, so make a point to ask how they’re doing.
A good habit to get into when you’re about to meet up with a friend is to ask yourself what’s been happening in that person’s life lately and what they talked about the last time you saw them. Then make sure you ask about those things, and ask them what’s new in their lives too.
This shouldn’t feel like an interrogation session – just ask a question and if they seem excited to talk about that topic, let them keep talking about it by asking them another question about it. If they don’t seem to have much to say about something, try another topic instead.
Share
As much as it’s important to listen, it’s also important to share what’s going on in your life. Don’t get offended if your friend forgets to ask how you are on occasion – just go ahead and fill them in on what’s happening with you. It’s also important to be honest with your friend – if they ask for your opinion on something, try to tactfully and kindly tell the truth, especially if you’re worried about them.
Be there
If you’re always too busy for your friends, it’s going to be hard to keep those friendships going. It’s important to be there for them when things go wrong in their lives, but remember it’s also crucial to be there in the good times too. It’s those fun nights out and hours spent laughing together that builds your bond up and helps them feel comfortable sharing bad times with you.
Let go
Be careful not to expect too much of your friends. Remember they have their own lives and other friends besides you – and that’s a good thing. You don’t need to talk every single day to be close, just keep in touch regularly and be flexible when they’re busy. Of course, this should be a two-way street – if your friend never bothers to get in touch with you or you’re the only one going out of your way to see them, it’s not an equal relationship.
Be dependable
Make sure your friends can count on you by doing what you say you’ll do. That means not cancelling plans at the last minute, turning up on time and replying to their messages as soon as you get a chance. That doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to go to their barbeque with a bad case of the flu, but make an effort to stick to plans when you can.
Don’t keep score
Good friends are both generous and easy-going about who does what for who. So when you go out to dinner with a friend, there’s no need to split the bill according to who ate more kumara fries. Offer to get their coffee or theatre ticket on occasion, just to be nice. If they’re also a good friend, they will be looking for opportunities to do things for you as well, so over time it should work out about even.
Here's what a healthy relationship looks like.