Stay healthy after a breakup

It’s okay to feel bad

First off, don’t feel like you have to pretend you’re okay or be over it straight away.

There’s no shame in being hurt by a breakup – it happens to almost everyone. And if you try to bury your feelings and smile, you can delay the getting-over-it process because you’re not dealing with your true feelings.

Instead, allow yourself to wallow for a while. Really let yourself feel the pain – cry, scream, punch your pillow, whatever it takes to get it out (you may want to wait until your flatmates are out!). You might also write down your feelings or talk to a therapist or trusted friend.

If you confront those negative feelings now, they’ll be less likely to resurface at inappropriate times, such as getting teary in the middle of a business meeting because someone mentions the restaurant you went to for your last anniversary.

Exercise!

Exercise can really help you get out those negative feelings and give you something else to focus on. Try running – it’s cheap, you can do it anywhere, and pounding the pavement will help you get out all that pent-up anger. It will also actively help you feel better, too. Exercise releases feel-good chemicals in your body, and you’ll have that added sense of achievement at having gotten out of your pyjamas.

Start fresh

When you feel like you want a break from wallowing, it’s a good time to sit and make a list of all the things you’d like to do.

Now that you’re not spending all that time with your ex, you’ll most likely find that a whole lot of space has appeared in your diary. Don’t try to book yourself out with too many social events straight away – take some time to decide what you’d ideally like to spend your time on.

Start with a blank sheet of paper and write down the things you want to keep doing, things you gave up in the past (perhaps because your previous partner wasn’t into it) and things you’ve never tried but would like to. To start with, don’t edit yourself – just write down what comes to mind without worrying about practicalities.

Choose some key habits

Got a list? Now go through and identify things you want to do on a weekly basis. Some things are non-negotiable – you probably need to go to work, and some form of exercise should definitely be part of your schedule. But also include things that just feel good – a weekly pampering session or carving out regular time to read a book.

One caveat – if there’s something you enjoyed doing with your ex, it may be time to choose a new activity or find an alternative. For instance, if you always played tennis together on the weekends, don’t go back to that same court every week, even if you love tennis. At the very least, find somewhere new to play. Your brain needs signals that things are different now, to help stop that tape of relationship memories from playing on a loop in your head.

Get out

It’s a good idea to take a break from social media and get out of the house (in fact, consider staying away from social media for a month or so – one notification about your ex could send you right back to square one). Instead, get together with friends face to face, or just head out on your own to the park, or to watch a movie. As hard as it is to fight the temptation to engineer an encounter with your ex, avoid places you might bump into them. You need to focus on you, not them.

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